On paper, 1972's Pulp sounds like a dream come true for yours truly. Not only does the film feature screen legends Michael Caine and Mickey Rooney, the story is a quirky, Agatha Christie-style mystery, with a cynical writer as the lead character. It's an intriguing combination, but little did I know that a glorious mess awaited me. There's little mystery to be found within Pulp's frames. Instead, the film wanders around aimlessly for about an hour before it comes close to piecing together something that could resemble a plot.

Caine plays Mickey King, a laid-back novelist who's had a successful career churning out the most shamelessly lurid pulp fiction known to man. With such titles as My Gun Is Long under his belt, King has no aspirations of being a particularly prestigious author. He's more concerned with making the most cash for little effort.

One day, however, the complacent Mr. King is given the assignment of a lifetime: ghostwriting the autobiography of a reclusive celebrity. Of course, his fat paycheck and even bigger cut of the profits come with the condition of writing the book under a cloud of intense secrecy. But one lethargic bus trip later, King discovers that his subject is none other than fallen film icon Preston Gilbert (Rooney). And King's job is far from over, for Gilbert, a diminutive performer who specialized in gangster roles, led an off screen life similar to that of his characters. That leaves it up to King to help pick up the pieces when some enemies from Gilbert's past come calling.

Released the same year Caine appeared in the classic mind game Sleuth, Pulp strives to be as deviously clever and diabolically plotted as that film, though its ambitions are met with fairly haphazard results. Most of the story plays out as a self-aware spoof of all things film noir, poking a bit of low-key fun at all the conventions that even the greatest private eye tales abide by to some degree. This is great in theory, but Pulp's flimsy approach to the material is the film's greatest flaw. I never got the idea that writer/director Mike Hodges - who previously helmed another Caine vehicle, Get Carter - had a sense of admiration great enough for the very genre he's giving a mild joshing. His way of lampooning the noir amounts to a handful of snarky comments made by King, with the bulk of the film's comedic side made up mostly of awkwardly-staged slapstick.

There's an air of half-heartedness throughout the movie, and that goes double for the side of it actually trying to be an honest mystery. The real meat of the story, the investigation into a major character's sudden murder, doesn't even begin until an hour into the film. That part plays out like the world's most boring travelogue while following King as he occasionally faces a noir-ish situation (including an unexpected death). Pulp remains stagnant for a curiously long duration, neither satirizing nor paying homage to its subject, but rather simply (and agonizingly) killing time.

Yet just when it looks as if Pulp will earn every ounce of the obscurity bestowed upon it, the film is saved by a couple of key performances. Caine has always been one of my favorite actors, and despite some obvious lackluster material, his droll wit shines through in the part of King. He nails the character's smugness to a tee, earning a few chuckles in how King reluctantly jumps into action as the sort of antihero he's spent years writing about.

In comparison, it's seems weird seeing Rooney, the king of squeaky-clean cinema himself, pull a complete 180 in his turn as the loutish Gilbert. It'll be surprising to some to witness Rooney curse up a storm and bark orders as a spoiled former screen star, but he succeeds in executing a brief but memorable performance, rather than coming off merely as an instance of gimmicky casting.

Pulp might serve as an interesting find for Michael Caine completists, but it's not likely to tantalize the tongues of hardened mystery buffs.

Director: Mike Hodges

Writer: Mike Hodges

Cast: Michael Caine, Mickey Rooney, Lionel Stander, Lizabeth Scott, Nadia Cassini, Al Lettieri

Rating: PG for violence

Classic Movie Guide Rating: 2 stars out of 5

DVD Release: 4/17/2007

Run Time: 96 minutes

Studio: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

Format: Color, fullscreen